About Ascending Man

About Ascending Man

Summer 2017 was the worst summer of my life; and also the best. Some people call it a Spiritual Awakening, some call it a Nervous Breakdown. The nights were spent awake, sitting outdoors looking at the wonder of the stars or fearing falling asleep for the images that would appear. And the days were spent trying to hold it together while being completely drained of all my energy, looking into the abyss of nothingness, trying to make some sense of the fact that here we are, an accident of nature, on a big rock, flying through an infinite void with no purpose or meaning.

Emotions were washing about throughout my body. One minute I’d be calm, the next I’d be punching the floor in an uncontrollable release of anger, the next I’d have a glimpse of the beauty of life, the next I’d be back on the floor shaking, releasing years of suppressed emotions.

There were times I thought it was unbearable, like my life was ending, and times it felt completely blissful, like my life was perfect.

So this is the shift they talk about? Isn’t it meant to be all unicorns and fricken’ rainbows? Aren’t I meant to get this huge sense of well-being, and be rewarded with finally seeing the world as it really is? Aren’t I meant to get a pat on the back from the universe, and more riches and opportunities coming my way than I know what to do with?

Well, there’s one thing there was more of than I knew what to do with… and that’s messages. Signals. Signs from the universe.

My awakening consisted mainly of the universe throwing me everything it could to test my fundamental character. Can you cope with this? How about this? Yes… right… now this?

I learned (from Michael Brown’s “The Presence Process”) that everything happening to me was valid, and that I was not to ‘shoot the messenger’, but to receive the message, understand what it meant about me, and take action based on that understanding.

This wasn’t a passive process. And it certainly didn’t make me feel better.

As Brown puts it, “It won’t make you feel better, it will make you better at feeling.”

And as I became accustomed to these horrendous feelings, these alien flows of energy in my body, these terrible thoughts and images, these internal battles, this confusion of my very being, I slowly began to realise that they’d been there all along. I just hadn’t been paying attention.

And so, as the summer comes to an end, as I begin my journey into the “power” spectrum of consciousness, I am sharing my journey with other men who may not have anywhere to turn, who may not have the guides that I was lucky enough to have, whose peers and partners are, quite frankly, bemused by the whole thing.

I hope I can make your journey make at least a little bit of sense. I hope that we can build a community of men who help each other pick their way through the bewildering process of an awakening.

And I hope I can at least be a beacon of hope that there is the ‘good stuff’ is on the other side.

The way out is definitely ‘through’.

Best wishes,


Stuart Carter, September 2017